In the quiet moments of reflection, when life’s relentless pace momentarily eases, we often ponder the path we’ve traveled and grapple with the profound questions that often help to guide us into the future. For many, this question remains unanswered, buried beneath the weight of responsibilities, but even if you make this kind of reflection a priority, it is still a complex process to navigate.
That’s why I want to share some ideas from a book I read recently. “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” by Bronnie Ware.
Here she shares the intimate experiences and lessons she gained working as a palliative care nurse taking care of people who were coming to terms with their impending passing. She captures the sentiments and insights into the deepest regrets people harbored as they faced their mortality.
In this post, I’ll distill some of the wisdom and insights with the hope that by learning about the regrets of the people who came before us, we can better determine the way we want to spend our time going forward and avoid feeling regretful in the end.
Regret #1: I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
In life, we often find ourselves navigating a sea of expectations and opinions from those around us. Society, family, friends – they all have a say in how we should live our lives. It’s not uncommon to hear phrases like, “That’s just the way things are,” or “That’s how they’re supposed to be.” But should we base our life decisions on such statements?
Just because something is expected or because someone else insists it’s the norm doesn’t make that action the right one and it might lead us down a path we later regret. Regret #1 reminds us that blindly following conventions or societal scripts can leave us feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from our authentic selves.
This doesn’t mean that other’s opinions are all detrimental, we can all learn from others, but it is imperative for us to distinguish the useful guidance from the limiting expectations.
To do this you can identify a few people whose opinions you respect and who genuinely have your best interest at heart, you can ask for their advice whenever you feel in need of support.
Regret #2: I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
Balancing a professional and personal life is a struggle for a lot of people and work can often take up most of our time while pushing other areas of life to the side, this comes with some important costs to our health and relationships.
The problem can get deeper if you consider that this overload of work is the result of a relentless pursuit of things like status or disproportionate wealth, both of which shrink in terms of importance as approach the end of our lives.
For me, this is a reminder to have my priorities straight and to have solid boundaries that protect them.
Regret #3: I wish I had expressed my true feelings.
This one is particularly important in the way we connect with others, whether it’s our family, friends, partners, etc, having open communication is an important factor that strengthens the bond you share with them.
But I also believe there’s another side to this, one that involves your identity, meaning that when you know that you are the kind of person who is open and honest it becomes so much easier to speak with conviction and live with the satisfaction that even if things are not the best, you did all you could do.
Regret #4: I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends
Looking back, I tend to think about how the COVID-19 pandemic forced us into an unprecedented social experiment. Lockdowns, quarantines, and social distancing measures upended our lives and routines, but they also unveiled a profound truth: the pivotal role of social connections in our well-being.
As the world grappled with isolation, we realized how much we rely on those coffee chats, weekend gatherings, and family dinners. The pandemic made it abundantly clear that friendships and bonds are the threads that weave the fabric of our lives. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily hustle, prioritizing work and success, yet it’s often the moments spent with loved ones that we cherish most.
This regret reminds us that, in the pursuit of our goals, we may inadvertently cast aside the very relationships that bring us joy and meaning. The pandemic underlined this message, urging us to treasure our connections, nurture our friendships, and ensure that, when we reflect on our lives, we don’t find this regret lingering in the background.
Regret #5: I wish I had let myself be happy
This regret reveals a profound truth about our pursuit of happiness - it’s not so much about choosing happiness as it is about realizing the degree of control we have over it. Many people on their deathbeds lament not allowing themselves to be happier during their lifetime. This regret isn’t about simply flipping a switch to be happy; rather, it speaks to the missed opportunities and self-imposed barriers that prevent us from experiencing greater joy.
While happiness isn’t entirely within our control, this regret reminds us that we hold more influence over our emotional well-being than we might think. It underscores the importance of recognizing and embracing moments of happiness, even amidst life’s challenges. It encourages us to break free from societal expectations and fear of judgment, permitting ourselves to seek and savor the happiness we deserve. In essence, it’s a call to be more mindful, authentic, and compassionate toward ourselves, acknowledging that our happiness is a worthy pursuit, albeit one that may require a shift in mindset and priorities.
To put an end to this post, I’d like to say that in the wisdom of those nearing the end of their journeys, we find lessons that transcend time. The top five regrets of the dying offer us a profound opportunity to course-correct and prioritize what truly matters. By living authentically, nurturing relationships, and embracing happiness, we can weave a life rich in meaning and devoid of these common regrets. The path to a life well-lived starts with the choices we make today.